Some politically correct definitions!

CIGARETTE:
A pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with fire at one end and a fool at the other!

MARRIAGE:
It’s an agreement wherein a man loses his bachelor degree and a woman gains her master

LECTURE:
An art of transmitting Information from the notes of the lecturer to the notes of students without passing through the minds of either

CONFERENCE:
The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present

COMPROMISE:

The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece

TEARS:
The hydraulic force by which masculine will power is defeated by feminine water-power!

DICTIONARY:
A place where divorce comes before marriage

CONFERENCE ROOM:
A place where everybody talks, nobody listens and everybody disagrees later on

ECSTASY:
A feeling when you feel you are going to feel a feeling you have never felt before

CLASSIC:
A book which people praise, but never read

SMILE:
A curve that can set a lot of things straight!

OFFICE:
A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life

YAWN:
The only time when some married men ever get to open their mouth

ETC:
A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do

COMMITTEE:
Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together

EXPERIENCE:
The name men give to their Mistakes

ATOM BOMB:
An invention to bring an end to all inventions

PHILOSOPHER:
A fool who torments himself during life, to be spoken of when dead

DIPLOMAT:
A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip

OPPORTUNIST:
A person who starts taking bath if he accidentally falls into a river

OPTIMIST:
A person who while falling from EIFFEL TOWER says in midway “SEE I AM NOT INJURED YET!”

PESSIMIST:
A person who says that O is the last letter in ZERO, Instead of the first letter in OPPORTUNITY

MISER:
A person who lives poor so that he can die RICH!

FATHER:
A banker provided by nature

CRIMINAL:
A guy no different from the other, unless he gets caught

BOSS:
Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early

POLITICIAN
One who shakes your hand before elections and your Confidence Later

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